Making new memories heals the heart

The way I think about memory is, there is a Rolodex in our brain. (For those who do not know what a Rolodex is, see photo.) Rather than having A,B,C’s on the section tabs there are colors/emotions. There is a bright yellow tab with a happy face for joyful memories. A luscious red for memories filled with love and warmth. A tan tab with a suitcase contains vacation memories. Maybe a blue tab with a sad, crying face for disappointing memories & so on. The Rolodex memory tab that is black with a dagger through a heart is my least favorite. It contains heartbreak, unanswered questions, tear-stained pillows, despair, sleepless nights & my heart being ripped from my chest. For me, this tab was created over 20 years ago when I lost my husband to suicide. Over the years a few memories have been added to it. Unfortunately, it was filled to ‘overload’ nearly 3 years ago while I was on a cruise ship and so far away from home. For about 12 months after that… those were the only memories popping up for me. It was all I thought about, it consumed me. I like to think, if we make new memories, the memories in the ‘black’ tab will not pop up as much. In some way, the happy, good memories will slowly squeeze them out. I speak from experience, surviving after a tragic event is not easy. This is something that helps me when I feel myself isolating from the world and flipping through the ‘black’ tab.

Plan happy memories. I like to plan and be prepared to make new memories. How do you plan memories? Well, for example, I have cake mixes, sprinkles, cupcake papers & little aprons. I have canvas, paints and brushes on hand for when my nephews come to visit. They love to bake and create. I also assemble treasure hunts for them, if you do it in advance, you have more time to make it extra cool and fun. These are memories they will carry with them for a lifetime, memories with ‘me’! You may think I am just doing this for them. The reality is, I do it for me. The memories of a chubby cheeked nephew cracking an egg, all by himself for the first time. That is a new and good memory, one that makes me smile. I’ll file that away under the ‘yellow’ tab

Getting together for a party or a barbecue is another way to make new memories. Planning parties is overwhelming when you are grieving. I know from my own life experience, sometimes it just can’t be done. Just realize, it doesn’t need to be extravagant and over-the-top. Potluck and a board game can create some good memories. Although, a good costume party is also bound to bring good memories.

Learning how to make or do something new, with a loved one. Recently, my daughter-in- law and I learned how to make adorable Valentine gnomes. Teaching someone to do something is also nice. I make greeting cards, so teaching someone how to do that – it is a good memory for me. These memories went under the ‘yellow’ tab.

Planning a vacation. In most cases the end result will leave you with new happy memories once you return home. Not only that, saving up, planning and looking forward to a vacation is helpful to your mind.

The reality is, we can’t erase the ‘black’ tab. However, putting forth effort to create new and happy memories keeps the bad ones at the back of the Rolodex.

This is my first time blogging. I hope you found something in my post helpful. Thank you for stopping by.